six * stars

*Bought a junker with a good engine on Saturday.

*Did stuff to move back into the townhouse all weekend but...water heater is broken. :( Thank goodness K is handy! He is awesome!!!! I don't know what I would do without him right now! It cost a few bucks but less then a month's rent elsewhere.

*Wy has reserved movers and a truck that I will drive back for her 6/2.

*Today is my last MONDAY at the P's house! Whoo Hoo!!!!

*Going to apply for unemployment on Tuesday 5/31...hmmmm?

*So much to do so little time!

Real quick...Changes!

Wy is moving back HOME!!! After Memorial Day weekend. Timing couldn't be more perfect. Utilities are back on! I do need a fridge though and could use a dishwasher and stackable electric washer/dryer. Darn it...I shouldn't have sold those!!! If that's all I regret so far in my life though, then I'd think you'd all agree...ain't doing too badly!!!

My awesome man is helping me power clean on Saturday. I also am crossing my fingers about a car. Did I mention my DAUGHTER IS COMING HOME?!?!?! Ecstatic isn't expressive enough but I'm too tired to be "cleaver"! I've been all over Craigslist for jobs, cars & appliances! I'm getting cross eyed from doing a lot of it on my iPhone! Amazing what I can accomplish though!!! I love technology!!! Oh and an email about an interesting PT job for cash two days a week. DETAILS TO COME...

Posting Problems, P Parting and Present Partner

Well I learned my lesson...SAVE!!!! I have officially lost some posts on here. So sorry that I didn't save them elsewhere. I am new to all this.
Moving on...

I won't try to remember what I had written. So much has happened since then! I am about to be jobless, carless and homeless as of June 1! Whoo Hoo!!!! I am done with that crazy nanny family! I had told Mrs. P that I wanted to discuss her intentions regarding renewing my contract. She has been awfully snotty and rude lately and I could sense it wasn't just her ordinary inconsiderate self. For example, after having asked her on three different occasions to not discuss my weight, what I eat or if I am on a diet, she came right out and asked, "Are you on a diet?" "Bitch, mind your own business" was exactly what I wanted to say though I settled for, "Mrs. P, I have asked you no fewer than three times not to ask me those types of questions or discuss..." "Oh, I don't remember you ever asking me not to. I am sorry, just forget I said anything." She may be suffering from early stages of Alzheimer's to tell you the truth. She forgets everything! She can be looking right at her purse and ask me if I have seen it. It's sad but I cannot save the world. I need to figure out my next step in life. In the conversation we eventually had last week, Mrs. P told me we weren't a good fit; that I am a poor communicator! Oh my gosh!!!! Is that funny or what???? She said it is not necessary for me to finish out the contract and that I should just choose a last day. “TODAY?????????”, I fantasized. I told her I would think about it and finally came up with a simple two weeks. She was a bit surprised but why wait? I have been ready from about day one!

Since the bank hasn't taken my townhouse yet I am going to move back in. The utilities are being turned back on this weekend. Home...check! I have someone looking at a car for me today and another car to look at tomorrow. I have a few thousand cash in hand for that so hopefully in the next few days I'll have wheels. Car...almost checked!

As for a job...I have been looking for two weeks so far and I am not seeing what I want yet. I will never do another live-in position again. I may not even go the nanny route. Mrs. "P"UNT may have soured me just too badly. Shame really. I love kids and am so good with them! Maybe I will just take a summer nanny/babysitting job, the kind that's not taxed, just for the summer. That'll leave me with an insurance gap but I can't solve everything at once and if I need the ER then I will go! I also think I am entitled to unemployment seeing that I was a tax paying employee of Mr. P's corporation. I will apply and what's the worst that could happen?

Ok so not that I have resolved all my major life problems in just two short paragraphs I can tell you about my boyfriend. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man except broke and still legally married. Two minor details. Otherwise, and on a serious note, he makes me so happy. He is supportive, caring, playful, smart, sexy, sexy, sexy and most importantly he is consistent and a wonderful companion. We have been together for four months though we get to spend a lot of time together so it feels like a lot longer. He gets along well with my friends and enjoys most of what I enjoy. He has a little one but I am not going to get involved with her; BOTH of our choice. I never did that with my own daughter why would I do that with his? It's so tough if there is a break up. I know how hard it would be for me let alone a five year old. I know too many people who have mixed up their kids and the kids of others doing that. It's not necessary. As long as he knows I am good with kids and I know the same about him that's all would matter for the future. He actually spends a lot of time with his little girl. He is a diaper changer! Ladies you KNOW what that means!!!!! He is a keeper! The bedroom has never been more exciting. I will leave it at that for YOUR sake! Don't want you all squirming as you read. (Kiddie pool...for those that get the joke! If you're brave enough to venture a guess...send me a message!!!!) Mr. "K" is my keeper...I hope I'm his.

Yes, he'll probably read this. It's not a secret. We tell each other all the time how lucky we are to have found each other! OK Cupid said we were only a 31% match (or something like that)! I was looking at my profile and checking out who had viewed me when I noticed him. He had looked at my profile but hadn't messaged me or sent a "wink" or anything. Now most normal girls would let that go. Yeah, not me. I sent him a message that essentially asked why he didn't. I asked if he wasn't attracted to my picture why did he "click on” my profile to even read more? And then even I asked what was it that he wasn't interested in. See, you gotta understand me: I think I am FABULOUS!!!!! I found him instantly attractive in is picture and felt something was there as strange as it sounds. Something inside me just told me not to let it go. He replied quickly. It was his first day on as I recall and he said he hadn't pursued me because "it" said we were not a compatible match at only 31%. He figured that meant he shouldn't message me. He had thought I was cute, that's why he stopped to read more about me, but then when it popped up to tell him that we weren't a good fit he backed off. OK Cupid couldn't have been more off! Good thing I left my bed behind at the townhouse! I'm looking forward to going home.

Why, Wy and Why

My angel of a daughter is now 22 for anyone who doesn't know. She lives out of state so I miss her like crazy. I could probably write my entire blog about her but intentionally I am not. I had a life before she was born as you may have read. I got pregnant at 22, had her just after I turned 23. Not sure if it was when the condom broke or if it was "The Sponge"...did you ever see that Seinfeld episode? I didn’t plan on getting pregnant to put that rumor to rest. I never considered not having her though. I have never regretted my decision either. I am a great mom by all standards but if you'd ask me I'd tell you I am a superior mom to most people I know! It's true...I really think it! As for the dad...hmmmm...save it for the book? I am not sure if I can wait that long to write about it but for now I will just say he is not involved in her life; never has been. Not a penny of child support.

That brings me to why I am a nanny. I haven't always been. I had a million and one waitressing and phone sales jobs throughout my young life. I had lied about my age when I was thirteen to work at a Dairy Queen and had never been without a job since. I enrolled in cosmetology school when I was pregnant as a quick career fix but dropped out three quarters of the way through when I realized I would CRY if I gave someone a bad hair cut! I had dropped out of college when I found out I was pregnant so without a degree I didn’t have many job prospects. As for my baby, I didn't want to put her in child care as an infant so I took a job as a live-in care giver for a woman with advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. Her husband hired me knowing I had a six week old infant but thought it would perhaps entertain the woman in some way. The guy also just figured I needed a break and I sure did. With a new born baby however, I wasn't going to be quick to leave no matter how tough the job. Wow, was he smart! My baby and I lived in one room with a bed, a dresser, and a crib he borrowed from a neighbor. I was given a small salary and room and board sans my own expenses for personal items and any baby food. I was supposed to have nights and weekends off. Often he wouldn't come home at all though for days.  Again, he knew I wouldn't or should I say couldn't leave. I don’t really blame him though. That is a sad disease.

It was very difficult time, to say the least, caring for a newborn and a six foot tall, size 10 shoe wearing, very physically strong, woman with Alzheimer's. I had a roof over my head though in a very nice neighborhood, a paycheck and time with my daughter. I try to see the benefits and look on the bright side of life. Also, I have always been willing to do what others wouldn't do to get a bigger reward. It's in my blood...good, bad or indifferent! We stayed in that room until she was just over a year old. While continuing to work for them, I asked as my raise, to move upstairs into a vacant in-law attic apartment. I stayed living there even after we had to put the woman in a nursing home when my daughter was almost two. I wasn't ready still for her to have to be in daycare. I must stress it's fine for some people and if I had to or if I simply didn't want to be an at-home mom then so be it.  Personally, I just LOVED kids. I wanted to spend every minute I could with her. So I found a full- time nanny job for the most wonderful family in a northern suburb. They let me bring her with me and it was just the perfect job! I am still close to them to this very day. I worked for that family for four years and just as my girl was starting Kindergarten, I knew it was time for me to return to the real world!

The next 15 years I was employed by the the same company and worked my way up from telemarketer to sales trainer to mid-level management. I made a lot of money...a whole lot as far as I was concerned. I bought my own townhouse after two years. I was able to put my daughter through private school and we have traveled to many places over the years. She never did without anything she needed and had most of what she wanted. That place was like the movies The Firm and The Boiler Room and Misery all put together! They are under indictment by the Attorney General right now and just lost a multi-million dollar, ten year old, sexual harassment suit. I knew a lot about a lot of people there. They wanted me out. After a genuine injury at work, while I was home recovering from surgery, they sent me a letter letting me know my position had been dissolved due to the economic downturn. The Fed-Ex came after I had received a notice that I had to sign up for Cobra if I wanted to continue insurance coverage. Hmmmmm...Why would I need Cobra? I called human resources to inquire. I was told someone would return my call. No one ever called. No one has ever said anything to me personally.  Fifteen years meant nothing to them I suppose. I feel more used and jilted by them then I do by the hundreds of men I have dated! (More on that in a future post!) I had another year before I was released to return to work by the workers compensation doctors. Just in time to find out I had no unemployment benefits paid in. I was now broke. In that previous two years on work comp I burned through all my savings trying to keep up with the mortgage and bills. The check was only 60 % of my income and didn’t include bonuses.

I was back on food stamps, something I thought I was done with when my daughter was a baby. I couldn't stand the thought of a desk and corporate BS anymore. I tried a few crappy jobs and finally decided to go back to being a nanny. It's what I really like doing though I do not think I am with the right family at the present time...or am I?

Confessions, confusions and cars

Talking about California Ave in my previous post reminded me about the time I accidentally robbed the laundry mat. My sister and I, the one just a year and a half younger then I am, were walking north on California from our high school towards our house late on a Sunday evening very high as I recall. The bus stopped running or we had spent our bus money on dope or something but either way it wasn't really that far; just far enough to annoy you if you had to walk it. I'm still not even sure why we were walking since I always had a car. As a matter of fact my dad gave me a car at my sweet sixteen party. It was held in the basement banquet room of Bones Restaurant in Lincolnwood and the car was given to me as a big deal in front of everyone. The next day he took the keys back saying any teenager who smokes didn't deserve a car. I had smoked since I was 10. No, literally, I did really start at ten. I tried my first puff at four or five in pre-school from Mr. Mike. This I swear to you. My mom can confirm. (No he wasn’t fired, but he was yelled at firmly...hahaha!) I tried my second puff at about eight. My babysitter, now sister-in-law gave it to me to shut me up! I bought my own first pack at a vending machine outside a gas station on Touhy at ten. No, that was not a typo. That pack of Marlboro cost forty five cents and I was ten. No lie, no exaggeration. By the time I was eleven I was smoking about a half a pack and by eighth grade I was smoking a pack a day. How did I even find the time? I am wondering myself as I type. I quit at 18 and have never taken another drag.

When my dad took the blue 1980 Chevy Chevette away, I had smoked already for a few years but he had been aware of my habit for a good year at least at that point so to give me the car and take it away was just a cruel trick. He played a lot of those throughout my life. Look, he was a Chicago cop which would be enough to drive anyone a little wacky. Add to it the fact that he buried his first wife, who died of cancer, before she was 25 leaving him with an 11 day old, a two year old and a four year old and you can certainly understand he had issues. I didn't get it as a child as I was being beaten or lied to however I do now as an adult. I could have done without the strap to my bare bottom, the hand prints on my backside for days, full face fist punches, black eyes and bloody lips but I genuinely forgive him and am more sad that he didn’t know any other way to deal with his emotions. My scars have healed, well most of them, his have to be very deep even as a 73 year old man.

To help you piece the story together, my mom married my dad when my older sister, the one who was only 11 days old when her birthmother died, was two. My mom adopted all three of his kids. Together they then had me two years later and within three years of marriage had two more. My youngest brother came 6 years later as an attempt to save their marriage to bring the grand total to seven; two boys and five girls. You may think my mom was a saint but indeed, like us all, she has faults. She probably shouldn’t have married him the second time. Follow me now, this part is confusing. They were married and he strangled her in a fit of rage. They were divorced. She met up with him in public to get some papers from him and I was conceived out of wed-lock in a motel room. They’ve always just counted the original anniversary date in 1964 since I was born in 1965. I only found that story out when I was pregnant and single at 22 and my dad told me to have an abortion; not make the same mistake he made by “letting my mother keep the baby”. Yeah, he is an idiot but he’s my dad. The best part of it all is my siblings and I have always felt, lived and treated each other as 100% siblings and since they had been adopted by my mother legally and morally we are. Other people in our lives have tried to tarnish that. I’ve never understood why and we’ve never succumbed. We have all stuck together through thick and thin, through fourteen offspring and have stayed very close geographically as well as emotionally. (There will be lots of family stories to come!)

When my sister and I robbed the laundry mat it really was just a silly lttle mistake. We had just come upon the Chicago Public Library on California, when we looked across the street and saw a familiar brown hotrod parked outside the laundry mat and thought to ourselves, "What are Gary and that other guy doing in there so late?" We walked accross and stupidly tapped on the glass of the front door. "What the f**k? Get away!" We should have listened. "Hey what are you guys doing in there?" I yelled. "Shut the f**k up!!!!" "Isn't it closed now?" my sister asked innocently enough. They open the door and dragged us in. We were then told that since we saw what was going in we were already involved so we might as well help. Stoned and naïve, we believed them. They even said they would give us a ride home so we agreed. The guys had been having trouble with their heist. They were both too big to squeeze behind the coin machines to pull the money boxes out and dump the quarters yet they couldn’t get the door unlocked that would give them proper access. She and I slipped back with ease (that was I think the first and last time I slipped behind anything with ease!) and dumped those boxes full of change like professionals. They took the bag, we all ran out, the two of them jumped in the car and they sped off…of course without us. We did the crime, but didn’t get a dime or a ride. Needless to say we ran all the way home! We were more afraid now of being late for curfew and having to answer to our dad then we were of any other cops!